Father 101

 

When I was 12 years old I had to entertain a group of 15 four year-olds for half an hour with a puppet show at my mother's pre-school.

Also when I turned 19 I entertained a group of 50 four year-olds for an hour outside a church in Uganda, but never did I think that I was going to be in the position where I had to entertain two four year-olds FOR AN ENTIRE DAY when I visited my good friend and single mom Lorien last year in May.


     Vaughn (otherwise known as The V-man) and Lily are like any other four year-old twins; painfully inquisitive, playfully energetic, prematurely clever but perfectly normal.

I presumed that I would be waking up with kids poking at my face and go to sleep with kids poking at my face and was soon freaking out at everything that was going to happen in between all the face-poking.

What follows now is the true account of what spontaneously happened the next day, but for the less spontaneous blokes out there, I put together a short manual (call it FATHER 101 if you like).

     I designed the manual in a very technical way as our brains prefer to function that manner. 
So for those who may find themselves in a similar predicament as I did on some unexpected day in May, pay attention.

The secret word here is FATHER.

(Note that it is an acronym. Follow it and I can most assuredly guarantee you great success in your endeavor.)

F stands for Fun


Always make sure you incorporate fun into your day. We started off by eating pancakes with ice cream for breakfast.

TIP: Add some syrup and cinnamon sugar and you are sure to have a child with high sugar levels that will crash around lunchtime, giving you time to breathe and drink a quick espresso.

A stands for Adventure

A child’s imagination is at such a colourful stage when they’re four years old that a knife and fork can be a king and a queen, a bottle of deodorant can become a lethal life-threatening death spray, a tree house turns into a sanctuary and anything outside the house can turn into a whole new world of wonder.

We chose the Aquarium that day with its vibrant atmosphere and flamboyant species just waiting to fascinate and lure the sweet liquorish out of any four year-old’s inquisitive mind.

TIP: Do not let the kid stick his head into any wooden structure as he is most likely of getting it stuck and it is still too early to have the child crying or complaining. If this unfortunate event should occur, feed the kid more ice cream that will keep his sugar levels high and the kid happy.

 T stands for Touch

It is of utmost importance that children know they are safe and loved.  Holding hands, patting his shoulder, kissing her cheek, brushing his hair, tickling her side- these all contribute to the much needed physical affection a child yearns for from an adult. 

Be sure to pick him onto your shoulders and show him the world.

H stands for Hero

Kids want a hero and if Dad can be the hero in their midst it is like being part of a magical tale or an adventurous story. We don’t need to have super powers. Inventing a couple of extraordinary noises and launching them up into the air will suffice.

 

In this case I had Lily on my shoulders who felt like a princess on the shoulders of her brave knight. 

E stands for Educate

As the adult in this venture it is also your responsibility to add something productive to this day of fun in the sun, because one day your kid will say, 

“Dad, do you remember that day my head got stuck in the penguin… well I remembered that you taught me how to…”

 

Use whatever is at your disposal to teach them something useful. (Even if it is showing kids the life size testicles of a small elephant.)

 Furthermore that evening I had the bunny tell us funny stories and used the time to weave in heaps of strong morals and giggling goodness.

R stands for Reflection

Now this final letter does not pertain to the kids anymore, this is your letter men. 

The kids are sleeping, you’re exhausted and while you lay your head back on the couch, let your mind run through the day.

That is the moment worth writing about… When your eyes light up and the corners of your mouth gently move as your heart laughs at four year-old silliness. When you realize that being a hero was both fun and adventurous to you too. You feel that the touch had also penetrated your own heart and you see life’s splendor in all of its simplicity again.
     Then Lorien's words echoed in my head, "Ed, you have no idea how good it feels to do this as a unit, as a family of some sort."

And finally then, you wonder, ponder and deeply contemplate as the thought crosses your mind yet again… 

How the heck does an elephant manage to carry around such a large and heavy pair of balls between its legs!!

Such Inspiration! Come on men: Be the man, grow some and rise up to the occasion; Fathering the fatherless.

Yours truly in writing honestly from a heart with no inhibitions,

Ed.